“We met by chance, something sparked between us, and ever since then we’ve been together for 20 years.” Such stories are often found on the internet, and sometimes it feels like you're the only one who's never experienced that spark with your dates.
Everyone has a mental library.
And this is not just the memories of every Dostoevsky book you read in school. It's a unique collection of what we consider beautiful, pleasant, and good. Sometimes this information is hard to explain.
Your memory simply mixes your recollections of your parents' youthful appearance, the physical attributes of your favorite actors, the pleasant scents you've encountered, and your color and texture preferences.
When you go on a date or randomly meet someone, a vast amount of information starts pouring in through your eyes, ears, and nose. This information is processed, including by the limbic system, which is responsible for emotions. And at a certain point, it can set off an internal alarm: “Bingo! Over 80% of this information aligns with your internal understanding of what is pleasant!”
Positive emotions trigger the release of a substance called "phenylethylamine" in our brains.
Also known as PEA. This command triggers the production of different hormones that are responsible for arousal, pleasure, and motivation. This chain of biochemical reactions leads to a person experiencing a surge of emotions, a feeling of attraction towards the partner, and a desire to do whatever it takes to impress them.
So, love at first sight is possible.
But biochemical reactions have one downside: they are not long-lasting. If they are not reinforced by something else that makes you choose this particular partner, the attraction will fade over time.
However, if in addition to the chemical response, you and your partner share common values, views, and goals, your relationship has a high chance of enduring. The longer you interact, the stronger and deeper the emotional bonds between you will become.
Your brain will begin producing the same hormones as it did at the start of your relationship. But the impressions will no longer be as vivid; instead, they will be more stable. Emotional arousal will be replaced by feelings of attachment, security, and trust. The only threat to such a relationship is a change in values and goals. When you have nothing to talk about and nothing to do together, love fades, leaving only the habit of being together.
By the way, what is your understanding of the word “love”?
Modern scientists, sociologists, psychologists, and anthropologists continue to try to unravel this phenomenon. For example, Yale University researchers analyzed love through three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. They identified eight types of love, and this is currently one of the most detailed analyses of what we call love.
How likely is it to meet that "spark"?
If you are young and healthy, the chances are high. But will it last for many years? It's sad to admit, but if it happened often, people wouldn't ask whether love at first sight exists.
For partners to love each other for a long time, several factors must align. There should be a physical attraction between them, constant communication, and shared goals, and each partner should understand the factors that contribute to their connection and consistently reinforce it through their actions.
This is a challenging task, but it is solvable. Sign up on Twinby, and we will assist you in finding a partner who is just right for you. We believe in experiencing perfect love.
Maybe then, the world will become a little better.
