High self-esteem is the key to a successful life. We often hear this statement from popular bloggers' videos
It directly affects how you feel in this world, what you allow yourself to do, and how you communicate with other people, including partners on dates. But what is self-esteem? How do we understand exactly what we're talking about? What is it made of? How can it affect your relationships?
Let's figure it out.
You can say that self-esteem is what you tell yourself about yourself, your behavior, and your qualities. It is a sense of your worth and an understanding of how you can and cannot be treated. Self-esteem begins to form in early childhood and constantly changes throughout life. It is formed based on personal experience, feedback from others, comparison with others, and a tendency to interpret events in a certain way.
Self-esteem consists of the following components:
- Self-acceptance. How realistically you perceive your strengths and weaknesses, how you relate to achievements and failures. People with low self-esteem usually underestimate their abilities and achievements, exaggerating their weaknesses and failures.
- Self-respect. How valuable you are to yourself, regardless of your successes and failures. For example, in one movie, a woman was shamed for being pregnant out of wedlock, but she defended herself, saying that pregnancy is natural and the one who deceived should be ashamed, not her. This is an example of self-respect.
- Self-acceptance. The ability to remain friendly towards yourself, despite flaws and imperfections. It is important to understand that there are no perfect people. Everything perfect is dead because the perfect has no reason to change and develop. All living people have strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures. Therefore, self-acceptance is an important component of self-esteem.
How is your self-esteem formed?
A lot depends on how your parents raised you in childhood. What they told you about your birth, how they reacted to your successes and failures, what family stories they told, and how warm the relationships were. Relationships with friends, teachers, and colleagues are also important. How did they treat you? Were they friendly or did they criticize and tease you? What did they say about your achievements and failures?
How often do you compare your achievements to those of others? How do you feel about those who did better than you in school, were more popular, or achieved more in their careers? Do you envy those who have beautiful pictures on social media, while your life is far from that standard?
The perception of your value can be shaped by cultural and social norms.
For example, 200 years ago, if a man did not marry by a certain age, his value to society decreased. Women who did not marry by a certain age were treated even worse. These attitudes had a strong influence on self-esteem. In our time, culture and society demand to demonstrate achievements and development. If you refuse to change, it indicates that you are unable to adapt and take responsibility for yourself, which diminishes your worth in the eyes of society.
Now that you understand self-esteem, consider its impact on various aspects of your life, including your relationships. How would individuals with low and high self-esteem respond in the same scenario?
Let’s illustrate this with an example involving dates.
Look at people on the street, how they behave and move. People with high self-esteem often smile and maintain eye contact, and their movements are not constrained. People with low self-esteem primarily see the flaws in other people. An insecure person is likely to start seeing the bad where it doesn't exist. They are unlikely to be friendly, and this will be noticeable in their stiff body language, complaints about colleagues and relatives, and constant suspicions of their partners.
People with good self-esteem value themselves and know how they should not be treated. They will immediately let you know if they don't like something. It's easy to communicate with such people because you know what to expect from them. People with low self-esteem often don't understand when they are doing well or poorly. They will agree to proposals they don't like, accumulating anger and irritation that will eventually spill out. Communicating with someone who initially agrees with your ideas and then blames you for all the world’s problems is unpleasant.
People with high self-esteem calmly accept rejections. In their mindset, there can be various explanations for why you didn’t get along. They switch to finding other partners or enjoy solitude. People with low self-esteem need constant confirmation of their worth. Every breakup becomes a major drama for them; they prioritize maintaining relationships even when unnecessary.
People with high self-esteem prefer open communication, while those with low self-esteem find it difficult to share their feelings and emotions. They may appear closed off and cold or anxious and tense.
People with low self-esteem often experience anxiety, stress, and depression, which affects their ability to enjoy communication and build healthy relationships. People with high self-esteem are emotionally stable and tend to be optimistic.
Self-esteem also affects how you make decisions. People with high self-esteem will confidently talk about their preferences and easily decide when and where to go on a date. People with low self-esteem may hesitate for a long time and remain dissatisfied with the choice.
In life, you are unlikely to encounter individuals with strongly pronounced high or low self-esteem.
Most likely, each person has their pain points. Different situations can activate these sensitive spots. If you discover such a point in your partner, try to treat it with care and understanding.
Support and acceptance are important not only for personal well-being but also for healthy relationships. How you react when faced with something unexpected is your choice and your responsibility. When you notice something unusual in yourself or your partner, only you can decide how to handle this discovery. Will your actions enhance the relationship or lead to its demise?
Every strangeness and pain point is not only the shadow side of the character but also the potential for development. And everything that develops is alive.
