You meet a potential partner for the first time, and they seem to captivate you. But that quiet voice inside whispers, "Careful! Something's off." Despite this nagging feeling, you agree to a second date and eventually start a relationship. For a while, everything seems fine, but then you start noticing some very unpleasant traits in your partner.
How did you not see this coming?
It would be great to be able to recognize problems in a partner from the very first date, to protect yourself from this future realization. These red flags will be different for each person – some may be bothered by a partner who loves to lounge on the couch, while others will happily join them and even bring some chips. This is a very basic example, but there are more serious behavioral issues to watch out for.
Let's discuss those now.
🚩 Disrespect of personal boundaries. Careless behavior, a tendency to touch or grab without your consent. This also includes making decisions independently, without your input. "I'm ordering this, so we'll eat what I say." People often confuse boundary violations with responsible behavior and decisiveness. But the difference is that responsible people will still ask about your preferences.
🚩 Discussions of personal topics – this is also a boundary violation. The partner ignores your "no" and sees it as manipulation, an attempt to "play hard to get." And trying to belittle you for your friendships with people of the opposite sex – is not the best start for a conversation. This is not passionate love and concern for the partner, but rather an attempt to exert control.
🚩 Egocentric behavior. Does your partner only talk about themselves and forget that there are two of you on the date? Constantly steering the conversation back to their topics? That's a red flag. Sometimes, such a person may encounter a self-sacrificing partner, and then their relationship becomes a mess. But the mental drain is present to the maximum. By the way, if the partner doesn't share anything about themselves, that's also a red flag. Because they are clearly hiding something.
🚩Phone destruction. Surviving without a phone for a couple of hours is possible for all of us. Constant checking of chats, taking calls, ignoring your conversation. Do you think it will be better in a relationship?
What else about red flags?
🚩 Complaining about ex-partners. Everyone is bad, and they are good. All their problems will be brought into your relationship. Do you need that?
🚩 Rudeness towards others. Especially to waiters, bartenders, and others who are currently dependent on them. Does he get annoyed by them over minor things, trying to create a scandal out of nothing? This high level of aggression will also manifest later, so be careful.
🚩 Telling their story. If you notice obvious contradictions in their biography, complaints about others, and their failures... Well, what can I say, a red flag.
🚩 Offensive humor. When a partner makes hurtful jokes, makes sarcastic remarks about your appearance, behavior, or character traits, and then sweetly smiles and says they were just joking. No, these are not jokes. This is a disregard for your feelings. It's not worth continuing.
You may not immediately recognize all the red flags we've listed. Sometimes you may even build a relationship with such a person and be quite satisfied, as you may enjoy the "adrenaline" of constant arguments and disputes.
However, when going on dates, don't forget to be observant, and attentive, and trust your intuition. If your body feels uncomfortable, if you have fleeting thoughts that you can't quite grasp, if that quiet inner voice is whispering something to you, then seriously consider whether these are the kind of relationships you need.
